Daughter with Schizophrenia
A student wrote that her teenage daughter was struggling with severe mental health challenges. She had been physically aggressive and her behavior was increasingly unmanageable. The prescribed medication was causing many side effects as well. The mother asked Rinpoche what she could do to help her daughter through this difficult time.
My most dear one,
I received your letter. One thing that came out beneficial for her is 15,000 recitations of the White Umbrella Deity prayer (Tib: dukkar). That is the only solution; to have this recited. It should be done at a monastery or nunnery with many Sangha. It needs to be finished quickly, but for this you need to make a money offering, which might be hard for you. Maybe you can share the cost with others.
So, this problem is due to karma—your karma and your daughter’s karma. For her, this is her karma, and also for you, this is your karma also. She has this difficult life. She created the karma to be like this, and you created the karma to have a daughter with these difficulties. This [result] happened due to her harming other sentient beings in the past, which means in past lives, basically.
Of course, if you can take care of her, that is very good. The correct way to take care of her is not with attachment, thinking “This is my daughter,” and this is why you take care of her. If you think that way, and if it is done with attachment and nonvirtue, then everything becomes nonvirtue. Then the result is suffering, not only in this life, but after death you have to experience suffering in the lower realms due to all the negative karma created while taking care of her.
If you can, you should take care of her while thinking that she is the most kind, most precious sentient being. You should take care of her with that motivation as much as you can.
Of course if you’re a buddha, then you have all the power, the omniscience knowing all the past phenomena, all the past, present and future, being able to read the minds of all sentient beings in every second and knowing all the needs of sentient beings, all their suffering and problems. Then you would know exactly how to help others, for instance, your daughter. You would have great compassion embracing all the sentient beings, but it is not like that, since you are not a buddha yet. Our ability to help the sentient beings is very limited because the mind is obscured and suffering.
My idea is that you should pray to Chenrezig, to His Holiness, who is Chenrezig. I don’t know how you pray for your daughter; whether you pray or not, so I will explain to you how to pray.
Make this request to Chenrezig one-pointedly, without any doubt:
"May she be free from all these problems, sicknesses and spirit harm. May she be free from the negative karma and delusions collected from beginningless rebirths, not just this sickness.
"May she generate bodhicitta in this life. If not real bodhicitta, then may she at least have a good heart. The ultimate good heart is bodhicitta.
"May she not cause any harm to sentient beings and only bring happiness to sentient beings, up to enlightenment—happiness in this life, happiness in future lives, then liberation from samsara and ultimate happiness, the total cessation of obscurations and completion of realizations, enlightenment."
And make this prayer:
"May she never, ever be reborn in the lower realms."
Dedicate all your past, present and future merits, and all her three-time merits, and all the three-time merits collected by sentient beings and by numberless buddhas.
"May this [result] happen for her, and due to that, may she never to be reborn in the lower realms."
If she’s born in the lower realms then the problem she has now is nothing. This issue she has now is incredible peace compared with being born in the lower realms. You can’t imagine the suffering of the lower realms—being born as an animal or a hungry ghost, then even worse is being born in the hell realms. The heaviest suffering of a human being is incredible peace compared to even the smallest suffering of the hell realms. You can’t imagine the suffering if she’s born in the lower realms. You can’t imagine.
Therefore, generally, why we practice Dharma is so important, it is more important than our job, more important than money. Our job and money all come from having made charity to others, and that is Dharma.
This human rebirth came from having practiced morality in past lives. Everything, all our means of living, came from Dharma. That’s why Dharma practice is the most important thing, more important than anything else—whether we are thinking of our own happiness or especially if we are thinking of the happiness of every sentient being.
Pray for her to be free from samsara as quickly as possible and for her to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. Pray very strongly like that to Chenrezig every day.
When you recite the mantra, OM MANI PADME HUM, think beams are received from Chenrezig, not only purifying you, but also purifying your daughter all the time.
At the beginning, think of yourself and your daughter; remember all sentient beings, but have a stronger [feeling] for yourself and daughter. Then afterwards, think strongly of the sentient beings, so think they are purified, like that. It depends on how many malas of OM MANI PADME HUM you recite. If you are doing one mala, then do half a mala with stronger [motivation] for you and your daughter, then for the second half mala, think more of the sentient beings who are purified.
If you have received Chenrezig great initiation, then think you become Chenrezig, your daughter becomes Chenrezig and all sentient beings become Chenrezig.
That’s the most important practice, to live your life like that. Please try this. I am also making prayers.
With much love and prayers ...